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rey72946
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Name: Abby
Birthday: 2/5/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: my faith, music, mission work, reading, violin, piano, chillin w/my awesome friends, acting, singing, doing things that don't cost any money, ^_^
Expertise: being me and striving to love God with all my heart and soul
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  HeismylightPs27
Member Since:
11/11/2004
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| so here's my obligatory "once every few months" entry into my xanga. sometimes you just need to write to get stuff out. and there's really so much i want to say. God is teaching me so much right now. For a few years now, I had been afraid to truly let God use me in any way He saw fit. I had a "plan" for how my life was going to go, and I guess I was afraid that if I ever actually said, "God, take my life and do what you want with it" and meant it whole-heartedly and completely, He would ruin my plans, and take me in a totally new direction. But, He knew that's exactly what I needed. So, now my old plans are ruined. And I think the change is doing me good. It feels like my life is coming back into focus. I feel free. Yes, it's not always easy to stay this course. Change is never easy, and rarely happens fast. Sometimes it hurts, even. But the pain means something is happening. I'm not being stagnant. God is stripping away all the impurities in me, and filling that space with Himself. It's me and God right now. It's like in yoga, when I try to do a balance pose. I'm in this wierd position, (usually only standing on one foot) trying to hold it and stay balanced and not fall over and look good at the same time. The only way that it all works together is when I pick a spot on the wall in front of me, and focus on that tiny spot. Only then can I hold the pose and stay balanced and look good doing it. My life only makes complete sense at times like these, when all I'm looking at and focusing on is Him. This is the only time I can do life without falling flat on my face. Things are starting to make sense again, and the feeling that it's giving me is indescribable. I feel incredible hope and possibility. I'm excited for the future, and I feel secure in my calling to do ministry. I realize that tomorrow I may not feel this way because of something that happens, or what someone says to me, etc. But I have to believe that if I keep focusing on God, I will pull through and have another moment like the one I'm having right now. That's what faith and hope are. And I'm learning so much about those things. I hope that you, whoever you are reading this, can feel like this too at some point. It's pretty amazing. | | |
| So...I'm making some big decisions about my future right now, regarding what I'm going to do after graduating. I have several options--taking a full-time Youth Ministry position, going to graduate school, going to seminary, or maybe doing something like the Peace Corps or doing mission work in Haiti. I'm spending a lot of time in prayer right now, and I just ask that you pray for me as well, that God would reveal His will to me. Because after all, that's really all that's important.  At this point I have no idea what He wants. So thanks for your prayers. | | |
| So yesterday I was at church, and Pastor Kathleen's sermon got me thinking. She talked about the passage in John 4 where Jesus talks with the Samaritan woman. It's the story where they are at the well, and Jesus tells the woman "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst..." It's a pretty well-known story, and Kathleen presented it well. But her main point really struck me. In the story, Jesus makes an impact on the woman by telling her stuff about her life that he, a stranger, could never have known unless he really was the Son of God. After her encounter with Jesus, the woman goes back to her town and says something interesting to the people there. "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" And later on in the chapter it says, "Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony..." Now this doesn't seem very profound or amazing, but it really hit me. This woman didn't have a background in theological studies. She wasn't a Rabbi, or well educated at all. But her simple testimony helped other people believe in Jesus. It re-iterated to me that God can use my infinitely small knowledge of Him, and my experiences with Him to help others come to know Him. So many times, especially because I'm going into a career of ministry, I feel like I can't do God justice when I talk about Him to others. I forget sometimes that He can use my experiences to help others believe. When my dad died, it was a struggle to still believe and keep my faith. But I did, and part of the reason was because I felt like God was going to use my experiences to help other people in the future. And I have been able to, especially in the past year. So, I guess what I"m trying to say is, like the Samaritan woman, we can use our own experiences with God to tell others about Him. We don't need to be eloquent or well-spoken, well educated or scholarly. Anybody who's ever had an experience with God can do it. And thinking about that really makes me confident in my career choice...=) And excited about what's to come in the next year. So hopefully my senior year will be the best yet! I go back 1 week from tomorrow...wish me luck!!
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| and now its time to pick up the pieces. | | |
| Romans 7:21 says "I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong." It perfectly sums up my life right now. I can't seem to do anything right. I feel like my life is is shambles. I'm at the breaking point where all I want is God to take me over. Because even though I want to, I can't do anything right at all. This is probably one of the lowest points in my life thus far. And I've had some pretty big lows. I want to change, but I keep trying to do it on my own. I need the transforming touch of my God. I need to be comforted by Him, and reassured by Him that He still loves me, no matter what I've done or not done. If God could hug me right now...that would probably just make everything so much better. Please pray for me...I just can't go on like this, trying to live life on my own. Because I screw it up every single time. oh, Great God, be small enough to hear me now
there were times when i was crying
from the dark of daniel's den
and i have asked you once or twice
if you would part the sea again
but tonight i do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
just wanna know you're gonna hold me if i start to cry
oh, Great God, be small enough to hear me now -nichole nordeman | | |
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